In the meantime...

Written on November 4, 2010

On October 16, 2008, my marriage of 20 years ended.  It was then that I lost everything that ever mattered to me.  Aside from the obvious--a beautiful wife and a twenty year relationship, I also lost my friends, my counseling practice, all of my money, and my property.  None of this however has compared to the loss of my children.  I have three beautiful children--two daugthers, ages 18 and 17, and a son, age 11.  These past two years have been filled with hope, devastation, pain, and grief.  This past weekend (October 29-31, 2010) was my first time in two years to have my children for the weekend.  Our time together was aborted before 24 hours had even passed.  The time with my children brought amazing joy and then unbearable heartache.  The experience also brought clarity.  I saw for the first time that as much as I wanted to be with my children, my children did not want to be with me.  My son was afraid to sleep in the bed with me.  My younger daugther referred to me as a monster.  My older daugther treated me with disdain.  After many tears, I realized that I had to move on.  More than anything, I want my children in my life, however in the meantime, I have to have a life by building a new one.

So here is my attempt at a new life:  I am a 47 year old divorced man who resides in Dallas, Texas.  I have two roommates, Jordyn and Eric.  We hope to get a little dog and name her Lady.  We will then be Three Men and a Little Lady.  I am licensed in the state of Texas as a professional counselor and I am a dissertation away from my PhD in Clinical and Health Psychology.  I am originally from Bayou La Batre, Alabama.  My father passed away in 1997.  My mother is a widow and lives in Daphne, Alabama.  I have three younger brothers, ages 44, 42, and 40 respectively.   The oldest lives here and there.  I think he may be in either Flordia or Alabama at the moment.  He has two beautiful daughters.  He has not seen them in over 10 years.  The middle brother is married with two daugthers as well. My youngest brother is single and has lived his life being there for our parents.  I must say that my mother and my youngest brother have loved me and stood by me through all that I have faced.

I have spent the last two years attempting to cope with all that I have lost.  There have been good days, but mostly I have been surviving--vacillating between pain and numbness.  Thankfully, these past two years have brought some amazing people into my life.  Some have remained; others have moved on.  I have been sustained, strengthened, and encouraged by these individuals.  Alan and Phill of Botany, New South Wales have been constant sources of support, love, strength, and encouragement.  I have reason to call them family and I cherish their friendship.  Then there is Paul Martin, my psychologist of Brisbane, Queensland.   A voice of reason and a man who has faced his own pain so that he may help me and many others face theirs.  The words "containment" and "distraction" always come to mind with I think of Dr. Martin.  Paul has helped me so much with shame and forgiveness.  I feel respected, capable, and competent when I meet with him.  I trust him.

I have not spoken with him in some time, but John Meteyard of Griffin, Queensland has been an amazing friend to me.  He embraced me as a brother when I had no where to turn.  I also owe a debt of gratitude to Jason Jamieson of Eight Mile Plains, Queensland who accompanied me back to the US in 2009.  He was a great source of strength and comfort as I dealt with tremendous loss.  Manuel Daboub of Dallas, Texas took me into his home when I first returned to the US.  I was a stranger, yet he treated me as family.  I then came upon the extraordinary kindness of Seldon Short and David Schulze of Dallas, Texas.  Seldon, a friend from college days, and his partner, David, rescued me from homelessness and I lived with them for three months in 2009.  They steadied me again and again when I thought I could not deal with one more blow.

Over the past year, I have worked at Galaxy Counseling Center, Adapt Community Solutions, and Stonewall Behavioral Health.  I made some amazing friends at all of these places including Candi Marcum,  Jenni Jennings, Yolanda Jones, Tom Johnson, Noemi Mendez, Arthur Cardona, Lee Berryman, Linda Casto, and Pamela Moore.  

There are many more people that have helped me along the way not the least of which is my college sweetheart, Beth Mulhern of Sharpsburg, Georgia.  My dear friend Mitch McConnell of Fairhope, Alabama, my college roommate, Tim Beauchamp of Plano, Texas.  And my dearest friends, Rusty and Kathy Morgan of Spanish Fort, Alabama.  I firmly believe that "no man is a failure who has friends." 

Today I embark on a new journey.  I choose to build a life on a solid foundation of faith, hope, and love.  I desire to develop the virtues of self-control, wisdom, courage, and justice.  I want to grow close to God and sense his love and acceptance again.  I choose to surround myself with good people with whom I can share my life and me theirs. 

I want to celebrate all the amazing things of life and enjoy the beauty of this world.  I still want to make difference in the lives of others through counseling, teaching, and standing with others as they face their pain.  I want to live as an authentic and gracious man.  I desire to develop a magnanamous character and interact with others in a Christ-like manner.  I also want my children in my life, but in the meantime.....